Weakest Of The Week’s Half-Fast Recap: 72 Yards And A Superhero For San Diego State

Less is more and all that good, corny stuff.

We’re right in the thick and meat of the 2016 CFB season.

This space stays on the lookout for the miserable and the awful and by and large we’ve seen a few things by week seven. But just because we’ve seen something once doesn’t make it any less impressive a second time.

On Friday night, the San Diego State Aztecs put their best Ohio Bobcats masks on and won a game in which they basically disregarded the forward pass. Beating an admittedly terrible Fresno State team 17-3 without the pass tends to be easy to do when you have a demigod lined up in your backfield.

Ohhhh but easy, this was not and…

Alright, enough with the proper English and proper grammar. This is the half-fast recap and right now I’m treating this like a marathon, wtf right?

Aight then.

How the fuck did the Aztecs only so barely win this awful CFB game? Well basically by letting their god do god things but not helping out otherwise.

QB1 Christian “Nice” Chapman had his nice little day at the spa in the form of seven passes completed of 12 attempted for 72 crazy yards. That works out to a tidy six yards per pass and maybe that’s why they say Christian Chapman is for the children: that’s math that your kid brother could do.

The story in this one belonged to the superman Donnel Pumphrey, who overlooked any potential kryptonite and put the entire Aztec nation on his back and tiny, itty bitty little legs of his and led his team to the win in this battle of the sunshine bros: 38 carries, 220 yards and two touchdowns, and a giant F-U to those assholes.

F-U, that he did say—though his teammates couldn’t quite carry the C-K so this game ended up being way closer than it had any business being.

With 38 carries, Pumphrey managed his third 200-yard game of the season; this gives him over 1,000 yards on the season, and there are more milestones but wait.

Laisse-moi te dire, man, que la danse s’est bien plus passée du côté du sideline des Aztecs puis que les bros à Fresno, bien leur face était plus 😦 :(. QB1 Chason Virgil a eu beau essayer bien fort, mais tout son petit change suffisait pas: 139 verges dans une game de football, c’est comme ton ami qui te donne $1,39. C’est chill, sauf que c’est pas avec ça que tu t’achètes une douzaine au Dunkin.

Mettons que si tu sais que tu dois prendre le bus, arrange toi pas pour oublier ton wallet chez ta mère. Virgil, bien il a comme oublié de faire son vigil et le bus est parti sans lui. En plus de 139 verges, il a fait deux INTs. Ton QB1 a aussi été ton best RB dans ce match, mais ça veut juste dire que tes RBs ont été pourris.

Les Aztecs ont eu beau gagner leur premier match à Fresno en une génération, mais on va quand même pas les féliciter pour ça. Quand tu as ton RB1 qui est le meilleur du pays, quand ton RB1 arrive au huitième rang de l’histoire de la NCAA puis qu’il dépasse les titans LaDanian Tomlinson, Herschel Walker et Archie Griffin, bien tu devrais gagner ça facilo.

Ce que le gars a pas demandé à Siri, c’est la follow-up: comment ça se fait que ma team peut être si minable même dans un W?

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