Weakest Of The Week’s Half-Fast Recap: A Civil Protest For UCF

They don’t call this bad boy the Civil Conflict for no reason, amirite?

This one was a perfectly fine and okay CFB game if you just look at the numbers, so why the hell did we pick it?

You just look at the numbers and you see that Team A won 24-16: not particularly exciting, but a 10-0 surge in the second half to turn deficit into a lead and then triumph is pretty cool. A hard-fought game, despite the low scoring, where the outcome was still in doubt late in the fourth quarter? What is this game doing here as the weakest recap??

AND IN A RIVALRY GAME NO LESS!, says the average CFB fan.

Well funny you mention this, average CFB fan. The fact that this was a rivalry game—or rather that it was this rivalry game—is precisely the reason why we picked this game for our half-fast recap.

This is the Civil Conflict!, he says, whitely. Yes and in keeping with the spirit of this rivalry, we’ll keep the curses to a minimum in our recap. Pinky promise.

Although, fuck this was ugly. Holy fuck. Call it the Civil Conflict all you want, we’ll call a turd a turd and not mince our words.

The UCF Knights used two fourth-quarter stops of the UCONN offense and relied on the futility of the Huskies on third downs to overcome an eight-minute gap in time of possession to win the 2016 edition of this rivalry no one’s asked ever asked for.

#ChargeOn all you want, and leave the trophy behind, this was a bad football game. QB1 McKenzie “John” Milton got a shit ton of yards (i.e. 317) and a trio of touchdown passes, as UCF basically said fuck our rushing attack let’s just keep passing. Milton didn’t rely on just one guy, as the new B2K boy band that is the UCF receiving corps (Tre’Quan Smith, Adrian Killins, Jordan Akins, Dredrick Snelson, Taylor Oldham) all got a few catches and a few yards. (No Omarion in this B2K, bitch.)

Badaboom.

C’est comme si c’était le soirée party au club, mais que les Huskies dormaient sur la switch. Tu as beau courir après ton chevalier sauveur, et UCONN a couru pas moins de 45 maudites fois dans ce match, mais faut pas oublier que le chevalier a une épée.

Bryant Shirreffs, chez les Huskies, a fait quelques petites passes tout cutes avec 242 verges, puis le train Arkeel Newsome a eu pas moins de 101 verges par la course, avec le “Papa” Noel Thomas et ses 165 verges par la passe.

Les gars de l’attaque ont tout bien fait, tu sais? Ils ont tout bien fait—tout, sauf réussir leurs troisièmes essais.

Ça, tu veux-tu je te dise, c’est la pire chose. Tu rentres en classe, puis tu souris à la belle fille à côté de toi; t’es good pour tes deux premiers downs, mais après ça vient ton troisième down et c’est là que tu foires. Elle te dit qu’elle vient du Yukon, mais tu entends UCONN donc tu lui demandes si elle aimes ses Huskies parce que les étudiants de UCONN doivent bien aimer leurs teams, puis elle te dit ouais sure, mais te trouve pas mal épais de lui parler des traîneaux à chiens. Épais.

Crisse qu’il est épais, oui. Faque la jolie fille, elle se lève puis elle te laisse moisir là, tout seul. Tu restes civil, mais tu te sens pas mal loser. T’es le trophée dont personne veut.

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