While we were seeking suggestions for our “most impactful plays and games of the last decade” bracket of doom, we got a few ideas that were far more “what in the actual hell” than they were impactful. That got me thinking, what if we created a similar list, but this time went with the most ridiculous plays instead?
Yes, I am 100% certain that there are excellent plays that aren’t on this list. I only have so much free time to Google shit in my underwear, calm down. This list is a bit of everything – plays that didn’t make the impactful bracket because we found them too late, or others that were disqualified for maybe or maybe not actually existing, or whatever.
Go ahead, @ me. Tell me what I forgot. Maybe we’ll make another bracket!
Mike Thomas’ Touchdown Catch vs La Tech As Proof He Probably Used Stick-Um
Alright, yes. I am fully aware that this play was not that big a deal within the context of the game, as it gave Southern Miss a 21-3 lead in the second quarter, but COME ON. He is at max extension as he is falling out of bounds, grabs the ball and secures it with one arm, and still gets a foot down in bounds. Hell, he might have gotten both in bounds if this were the NFL and he needed it.
OK SO IT’S STARTING OFF KIND OF TAME, SHUT UP.
J.J. Worton Is A Wizard and Temple Regrets Not Pass Interferencing the Shit Out Of Him
Now, this catch… holy hell. Actually, the catch and the throw are equally impressive. First, you have Blake Bortles chucking this ball about 45 yards in the air off his back foot while falling towards the boundary to avoid the hit. Can you throw a ball half a football field while falling away from your throwing arm on one leg? I didn’t goddamn think so.
Then, you have Worton who one-ups Thomas on the difficulty scale. Thomas’s ball was a second-quarter touchdown that was high but was in his vicinity; this ball is thrown so hard it’s actually just waving at Worton as it flies by until he snatches it and corrals it for what was a game-tying touchdown.
YES, THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE BRACKET. SEE EARLIER COMMENT ABOUT GOOGLING IN TIGHTIE-WHITIES.
Arkansas State Turns Confusion Into Cleverness… That Failed Miserably Because it Wasn’t All That Clever
So the story is that the Wolves were running a fake punt and Booker Mays was, per the design of the formation, ineligible to go downfield. Not knowing what else to do with him (because god forbid he, like, head towards the line and block or something) the Wolves pulled inspiration from an old prank of Coach Anderson’s and had Mays pull the old fainting goat.
Of course, this did not distract Miami at all, nor did it prevent the punter from badly underthrowing the ball and getting intercepted anyway. So all of this attempted misdirection was for naught, even if it was hilarious and got stAte a bunch of internet celebrity for a bit.
NO MORE GOATS, BLAKE. STICK WITH THE TOUCHDOWNS.
Central Michigan Beats Oklahoma State, Except That They Didn’t. Or Did They?
I think this is probably the most notorious entrant on the list. Central Michigan threw a deep pass that became a lateral that became a touchdown that won the damn game against Oklahoma State! Except here’s the thing; the score came on an untimed down that, had the referees correctly applied the rule in question, would not have taken place.
So, the Chips won the game by scoring a touchdown on a play that should not have existed. Kind of like how I shouldn’t have had that fifth double-decker taco from Taco Bell last night, but it happened. Let’s move on.
YES, I JUST COMPARED A CMU TOUCHDOWN TO TACO SHITS. THAT’S JUST LIFE, MAN.
Josh Dobbs Gets Lit Up and Tennessee Still Wins the Damn Game
O.K. now we’re getting into some peak Football Gods fuckery, here. App State played a great game, and the defense was all over the field all night. Even once Tennessee made some adjustments, they were only able to get the game to overtime, at which point…. Like, this is hard to even discuss. Jump to about 10:50.
It’s third and goal, and the Mountaineers are are a goal-line stand away from forcing the Vols to kick a field goal. Dobbs fakes the pitch, heads to the edge, and is met by Kennan Gilchrist who I’m pretty sure puts his helmet into Dobbs’ gut so hard that the crown touched Josh’s damn spine.
KABOOM out comes the ball… which is kicked by another defender and recovered by Tennessee in the end zone for the game-winning touchdown. The real kicker is watching Gilchrist stomp away in celebration, oblivious to the fact that, ultimately, he didn’t actually do anything.
HAVE YOU NO SHAME FOOTBALL GODS?? EVERYONE KNOWS A SPEAR ENDS IN DESTRUCTION AND VICTORY. WATCH SOME WWE HIGHLIGHTS FER CHRISSAKES.
Arkansas State Hides the Midget At A Rather Odd Time (TWSS)
Hey, remember earlier when the Red Wolves tried super hard to be clever and not a damn thing came of it? Well, this actually happened during the same year (2014 GoDaddy Bowl) but it actually was successful. We can talk later on about the merits of running a play like this on first down during the second quarter of a 10-3 game, but what’s strategy when you’ve got trickery you’re just itching to use?
- Step One: Bring the short guy out into the huddle, and have him fiddle with his shoes so he’s rather hidden in the huddle.
- Step Two: Fake the normal play while he takes the direct snap but doesn’t move right away
- Step Three: Wait for the defense to forget how to do their job (FIND THE BALL AND GO TO IT)
- Step Four: Profit. For a random first down. In the second quarter.
I mean, I guess they get a TINY bit of a pass since it was a bowl game and they were trailing, but I’m still filing this under cleverness for cleverness’ sake.
LOOK YOU AIN’T GOTTA GET ALL CUTE. I NEED A MIDGET SO I CAN DO THIS AT VALDOSTA STATE, Y’ALL.
Memphis/BYU Miami Beach Brawl
This game has absolutely not in any way perpetuated any previously held notions about BYU football players and athletes. Nope, no sir.
Hey, know what’s a great way to lose your bowl game and have it move to goddamn Frisco, Texas? Have it’s very first iteration end in an all-out slobber knocker brawl.
Yes, I’m kidding, this isn’t why the bowl moved. TOO BAD MIAMI DOESNT HAVE ANY OTHER BOWL GAMES.
Not seen here: a minute or two later, after Kai Nacua rejoins this planet, he goes charging over and does a flying Superman sucker punch on Memphis’ Alan Cross, who had spent the previous couple of minutes completely surrounded by about two dozen BYU players getting his ass handed to him.
RIP Miami Beach Bowl, you gave us a brawl between BYU and Memphis and we still owe you for that pic.twitter.com/LcrkGEJio4
— THICC KEN (@edsbs) April 21, 2017
Shame that this bowl game is now moved to Frisco, Texas where it will be played in a 20,000 seat Major League Soccer Stadium.
JUST THINK OF THE GREAT SIGHTLINES, Y’ALL. NO MORE PUNCHING OR WE’LL MOVE IT TO MOSCOW. NO, NOT THE COOL ONE, THE ONE IN IDAHO.
Wyoming vs San Diego State, AKA The One With The Flying MMA Nut Punch
OK, to be completely honest I’m not 100% convinced that he didn’t just punch him on the inner thigh super duper close to his dong. You tell me what you think.
Flying nut punchhttps://t.co/D2jBv63sVT
— BLACK ADAM SCHEFTER (@B1ackSchefter) December 4, 2016
The more I watch it, the more convinced of this I am. Josh Allen is either a really big hit with all of the ladies or he’s doing a really good acting job. Kudos to the clever SDSU defender for his “YAH BUDDY WE GOTTA SACK IMMA CELEBRATE MY FIST RIGHT INTO YOUR NUTS” decoy move. If that’s where Josh’s business really is, though, I feel deeply for all of his girlfriends.
Seriously, there are two possible outcomes:
1) Josh Allen has a future as a Hollywood actor
2) Josh Allen has a future in porn
MAN’S GOTTA HAVE A SECOND CAREER LINED UP DON’T JUDGE.
Ului Lapuaho Goes Manny Paquiao on Chandler James’ Dong
Now this one, BAH GAWD. Lapuaho most certainly, and without any doubt to be had, lands a dead-on, full-fist punch right into James’ twig ang giggleberries.
As Uproxx put it back in the day when this happened:
You’re the school that cracks down like a nun’s ruler anytime an athlete does something that the Bible says is bad. Maybe the Bible doesn’t explicitly ban nut shots, but it damn sure implies that they’re not cool, as does every law of man.
Might I also point out that this happened in the first quarter of this particular game? I’d make some sort of “takes balls to play like that” joke but I’ve got too much sadness pent up for the children Chancellor James may never have.
Joe Kemp Has His Season Unceremoniously Ended By 260 Pounds Of Irony
GET IT? IRONY? BECAUSE THE PLAY WAS OVER AND THE QUARTERBACK GETS TRUCKED BY A DUDE IN A RED JERSEY.
This one is just nasty. Philip Hunt tried to say that he didn’t hear the whistle, which is a pretty flimsy defense because it’s apparent from the video that he was the only one on the entire field who didn’t hear it. If he did that today he would incite a riot and probably get suspended.
Oh, fun fact, this was Joe Kemp’s freshman season and that hit broke his collarbone and ended his year. The next season he lost his starting quarterback job to Ryan Griffin and then moved to wide receiver.
MAN HIT HIM SO HARD HE DIDN’T WANT TO PLAY QUARTERBACK ANYMORE. HEY CAN YOU GO HIT SAM DARNOLD FOR ME?
Yes, I’m joking. No quarterback was ever such an insufferable douche that I’d wish injury on him. Maybe just some bad shellfish at the Sugar Bowl, then, like what happened to Colt Brennan (I’m speculating).
Boise State Broncos Take Some Liberties With The Definition of Timely Hitting
Going into the 2008 season, Boise State fans were questioning how much magic Chris Petersen had left. After all, they just suffered an embarrassing 10-3 2007 season. Embarrassing because they lost to:
- Ty Willingham’s Washington team (the 4-9 one aka before things got bad)
- A June Jones Hawaii team that went and got obliterated by Georgia in the Sugar Bowl (hi again Colt Brennan)
- East Carolina? SHKIP HOLTSH ECU? I mean they weren’t bad but they sure as hell weren’t unbeatable.
There was a huge quarterback battle and some midget named Kellen Moore won the job. So there was no way they were going to beat Mighty Oregon IN Autzen Stadium, right? Wrong: the Broncos dismantled Oregon and the score would have been even more lopsided if not for these two completely unnecessary late hits.
NO WORRIES THOUGH, EVERYONE. THE MIGHTY DUCKS DID NOT SEEK REVENGE IN ANY WAY THE FOLLOWING SEASON
Whoops. Wrong Ducks. My bad. AS I WAS SAYING…
STILL NOT THE RIGHT DUCKS!!! COME ON, INTERNET…
There we go. Oh and Just a reminder that Oregon lost that game as well!
FCS SPECIAL BONUS OH MAH GAW WOFFORD WUT R U DOIN
I’m not sure how much there is to say beyond, “HI there, college football player, I assume you got to FCS level college football by understanding the basics of college football, perhaps plus a little extra,”
“Let me remind you that one of the basics is THE TOUCHBACK DOESN’T COUNT UNTIL YOU TAKE A KNEE.”
Like, eight-year-olds do this correctly on a regular basis.
In general, not properly downing a kickoff is some bush-league behavior. Except here, his failure to do so made the score 28-14 UNI on the first play of the fourth quarter, in a game that the Panthers would go on to win 28-21. Maybe Wofford advances and gets their asses handed to them by Montana just like UNI did but come on man.
STEPHON SHELTON GAVE THE GAME AWAY BY NOT TAKING A KNEE ON A TOUCHBACK.
Hey at least they finally advanced past the second round last year to wash the ta—- hahahahahahahah who are we kidding you don’t live this down.